I do, but I don't.
I want you to...but I'm grateful you don't.
I'm a dreamer, fantasizing that it could be great; it could be perfect.
We could try again, redo it the way I picture it in my mind.

But you're not here.
Once upon a time, you wanted to come home to me.
Now when you go home, you want to be by yourself.
I find myself asking you to see me.

And this is all so backwards. It should be the other way around.
It's all just a joke. Fantasies are better in your mind.
When they're truly executed, you're given disappointment.

I realize that I should practice patience, and wait until reality is better than fantasy, without even pushing it to be.
I love you, I love the parts of our past that were so bright.
But they're gone, and I'm having a hard time not looking at the once shiny gem we were.
Every time I try to clean sweep my room - my head, my life -
I find more traces of you. How sweet you were.
Whether it was real or not, you did things to try to make me happy.
The beauty of that sacrifice - I didn't realize it so much when it was happening,
but now that it's over, I can't let it go. Finally though, I think I've cleared most of it out.
I look around, and there are no pictures of us. None of your cards pinned to my wall, or wedged between books we shared.

I'm trying to say goodbye, but I'm afraid of the loneliness.

Maybe

One foot in the past, and one in the future.
The rest of me in the present - is a jumble.
A jig saw puzzle that has been thrown up into abandon...
and crashed down in the wrong order.

Just like our bodies aren't in tune with the speed of technology,
my habits are not in tune with the acceptance my mind deals me.
My heart wants to frolic in the past.
My mind wants to move forward.
My body says it's used to what it knew, and wants to just repeat, repeat, repeat.

I'm pro change, don't get me wrong.
Giving up one thing, means you gain another.
But for now, I like to pretend I can have my cake and eat it too.
Maybe you can.
Maybe it just takes the will of a sharp, strong mind to do it.
Maybe.

Everything is a maybe.
Maybe is not a yes...but that doesn't automatically make it a no.

Will I? Will you? Will we dissolve?
Maybe.