Our love is like the ocean.
We're so small we can't see across it...is there really land on the other side?
Prove it.
It's mysterious. Deep. Dark and full of colours we think we can see, but then in a flash they're gone.

One day I'm feeling the sun on my face,
and the next there's a storm, and the clouds are turning black black black.

My mother says once you've made a decision you shouldn't look back...
But what if I've made two, and they contradict each other?

What is it that we're doing? Are you my ocean, or just a mud puddle?

Every contact I get with you, I look further back.

You talk of the future...but just in passing. These plans, do they mean anything?
What are plans to you?
Maybe my uneasiness is stemming from the fungal rot suffocating my trust in you.

I know, you being the ocean...means that you may change direction in a flash of a second.

"Who knows what causes the human brain to split its britches. It would seem that the brain hangs so many curtains between itself and the true universe that eventually light can no longer reach it, and it molds and rots and festers in the dark."

Skinny Legs and All - Tom Robbins

Ellen Cherry

"It occurred to her that despite the failure of her marriage, the failure of her career, despite her hangover and chronic horniness, she suddenly was feeling rather light and giddy. She couldn't understand it. Was she simply too shallow to suffer indefinitely, or was she too wise to become attached to her suffering, too feisty to permit it to rule her life? She voted for wise and feisty, and walked on, kicking leaves. "

- Skinny Legs and All (Tom Robbins)

Was marriage the mutant child of our own selfishness?
Has faithfulness and wedlock become obsolete?
Perhaps it was our personal fear that made us seek out stability in someone else. Maybe that love-addicted quest allowed us to forget our own personal need for independent happiness.
These are things that I wonder these days.

My love for you is so heavy that it makes me change my own form to suit the 'us' that exists in my mind.
I'm not sure what I was before, and I'm not sure what I am now...
But I know my form is changing.

What is reality, but what I believe it is...
Our realities overlap, making different versions of the truth.
Why is the truth so elusive?
Truth is an outlaw, always one step ahead of the authorities.

We do not own anyone...not even our family.
Even faithfulness to your family, seems like a ideal unrealistic dream.
What are most families but a mess of people that accidentally ended up together.
I'm blessed for the family I have. Blessed and cursed.
I think it's all the same anyways.

I think most people are so centered in on their sufferings they can't see the light within the darkness.

To search for all the light and none the darkness is a tragic human condition
How can you know one without the other?

I'm working on myself...to be the optimistic realist

And I want you by my side, sometimes...because I think you listen.
You hear me, and our differences fascinate me. It's an unsolvable riddle.
I'm not sure which is missing, the question or the answer.
It's the mystery that fuels our flame.
Our relationship is in the now.

All life is, is now.
It's beautiful that it's constantly being written without us needing to do much really...It just keeps on going.
I imagine someone writing out our lives...but when he takes a nap, we mess it up, and get a bit of freedom. We get excited, jumble things around because that's our nature. We just want to disobey disobey disobey. We shake our fists saying
"Fuck you writer! I can write my own story!"
Then he wakes, and has to pick up from where we've decided to run off.
That would be quite a hell of a job.

I think we can find perfection in our chaotic mess of untraditional relationships

I like untraditional.
I like you.

Nothing's personal, though we crave personability...to be close.
To know another person can feel our energy within us, as it changes colour and speed.
Is it morally wrong to hurt someone if you're being true to yourself?
You or me?
Us or them?
If it's all the same, does it matter what happens?

I choose difficulties. I choose gleeful dismay.
Because through bone crushing difficulties, I've found the most soul enriching euphoria.

There's a mad hamster running in its wheel in my head...
It's always squeaking, painfully or happily.
But always squeaking,
because he is ALIVE!

"A shadow does not belong to the object that casts it"

The Caterpillar Sacrifice

Moved all back home,
I'm haunted by our memories.
I see all our great memories:

you mowing my lawn while I snapped pictures of you.
You looked terrible, but my love for you was so fierce it made you beautiful.
You glowed in your sweat, under a veil of long blond hair.

The time I romped in the snow like a dog in my backyard, and you laughed at me.
We always enjoyed putting on our snowpants.

Today I was wearing my dyke cargo pants, pair of bright turquoise crocs...
Back then, you would've thought I was adorable.
Maybe you still would...
The version I remember of you sure would
Maybe you don't find those things cute anymore.
Maybe you never did.

But in reality, you aren't just the sweet boy I remembered (or imagined)
You had a dark side that you hid from me,
You locked part of yourself in a chest,
and as hard as I tried to search it out, you dug deeper and reclined yourself on a creaky walker

One day, you set out searching for all the caterpillar nests you could in our neighborhood,
and set them ablaze in the synagogue behind my house.
I watched as they writhed and screamed
Back then, I still saw nothing wrong.
Love's glare can be so blinding you can't even see the shadow.

Even now, I'm reserved to remember you as something good,
someone who loved me,
cherished me even when I was disgusting,
childish.

I wonder if you even care about me now.
Am I just another caterpillar that was tossed in the flame,
as your greedy eyes smiled at the innocent's pain?

Cause even though I know you aren't who I need,
Not who I want,
I still don't want to let you go.
Maybe cause that means the past 5 years of my life were utterly wasted.
And now I focus most my time on getting utterly wasted...
Ha ha.

You've moved on. You don't even care to ask how I am. And it makes me sad
Even though part of me is glad you don't beg anymore...
I'm still sad.
I feel the pain,
and what's worse, the shame of still wanting to feel the warmth
from the flame that incinerated the caterpillars.

I just hope one morning I will wake up, and have the strength to throw the water down on our fire. Because right now, every time I put it out,
I try to light it up again.

I hope one morning, I will be happy alone.

It takes tremendous energy to transcend or transmute a negative condition or a limitation that has been placed upon one. You have been collectively hypnotized into a view of reality that is fixed, confined, limiting, and nothing short of imprisonment. When one sees through the lies and the manipulations, the old world does not look the same and yet the perception of the lies does not free one from them. They have a life of their own and a tendency to continue. It takes new energy–an increased vibratory rate–to overcome the lethargy and inertia that are intrinsic to your cultural limitations. This is the gift of the solar streams–the solar plasma that is flowing and will flow in greater quantities into your magnetosphere–for they will increase the vibratory rate of your KA body.

But for those who do not choose to live upward in consciousness–who choose to remain imprisoned by the limitations, who seek to blame others for their misfortune, who choose to find scapegoats for their lack of happiness, for those who insist upon living the old world of conflict–this increased vibration of their KA body will not be a blessing; it will be experienced as a curse. Because they will have to work very hard to keep things the way they are.

This is a very important point, to us, and we wish to convey it with as much clarity as possible. Each of you has the response-ability to choose the thoughts and the creations you desire. Some of you will choose freedom–because you cannot stand being contained any longer–the lies are simply too great a burden to perpetuate. Others of you will choose imprisonment–for the fear of freedom and the responsibility for personal choice is too much to bear.

This is a split in the road of evolution.

This communication is specifically for those individuals who have chosen the upward spiral. Your challenge in these times is to allow the activation of your KA body to move you upward, even as many around you seem to be spiraling downward. It is, essentially, a question of vibration, joined with expectation and belief. It is the union of these three that births the creative impulse for a new destiny.

http://tomkenyon.com/the-holon-of-ascension

Hermetic Philosophy

My horoscope suggested I research into hermetic principles...that lead me to ascension. This "hippy" shit is actually very interesting, and makes me feel like less of a freak.

THE SEVEN HERMETIC PRINCIPLES

The principles of truth are seven; the seven hermetic principals, upon which the entire Hermetic philosophy is based, are as follows:

1. The Principle of mentalism: "The All is mind, the Universe is mental."
2. The Principle of correspondence: "As above, so below; as below, so above."
3. The principle of vibration: "Nothing rests, everything moves; everything vibrates."
4. The principal of polarity: "Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are all the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled."
5. The principle of rhythm: "Everything flows, out and in; everything has its tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates."
6. The principle of cause and effect: "Every cause has its effect; every effect has its cause; everything happens according to law; chance is but a name for law not recognized; there are many planes of causation, but nothing escapes the law."
7. The principal of Gender: "Gender is in everything; everything has its masculine and feminine principle; Gender manifests on all planes."

Hermes Trismegustus may be viewed as the Divine Physician and as the messenger of the Gods, the gods being the Elohim. The creative powers of God which are Seven in number and are the seven colors of the rainbow. The Elohim are the thrones about the One God, the One Being, the Light Itself. The Elohim are the creative potencies of the God head itself and are represented on the tree of life as the seven sephoroth.
These sephoroth have direct correspondences to the seven centers of the human bodies and communicate to the "physical" form through the vital centers known as chakras. In this way, life itself communicates and sustains its forms through a step-down of energy. These chakras flow into and communicate with the nerve plexuses (network) as seen on page one. They sustain and maintain the physical vehicle and serve as a direct communication bridge to higher intelligence.

Healing is a positive change of vibration-Hermetic alchemy is the art and science of self- transformation through knowledge.

Alchemy also means Union with God (truth, beauty, principle) through science. Alchemy is the science of magic.

Man (Woman) is living mind, sustained by spirit. Man (Woman) is the microcosm, (miniature world) within the macrocosm and as such we truly are gods and goddesses possessing within ourselves all the powers of consciousness which are inherent within the mother-father mind. See "Man Know Thyself".

Mental transmutation- "Mind (body) may be transmuted (change from one state to another), from state to state; degree to degree; condition to condition; pole to pole; vibration to vibration. True Hermetic transmutation is a mental art."

The Real Healing is knowing that you are One with God (the primal will to God and the infinite creative intelligence of the universe) and that you are God manifesting yourself as you are. This constitutes real knowledge and leads to wisdom which is the direct experience of this sublime truth.





If you are experiencing any of these symptoms (cut out), please know that this can be a result of using these Energy Tools. You are allowing energy to run through your system and move out the old patterns. The tools were designed to change your life and that is exactly what they are doing. You haven’t entered the Twilight Zone. You are simply moving to a place that includes more of you and less of the noise that isn’t you. Congratulations. We call this time between worlds a “Growth Period.” It is a time to celebrate. Your body and mind and emotions may, however, not agree. Even though a Growth Period is a time to congratulate yourself on your spiritual progress, sometimes when we enter this phase of growth, it hits our physical system as something uncomfortable.

Professor Clare Graves, the originator of this branch of
social science, saw the first set of six memes as a first
tier of human development. He called the transition of the
human race into meme number seven a momentous leap, an
entry into an entirely new set of memes, a new tier of
consciousness. With this new tier comes freedom from all
of the fears of the prior memes, and, finally, the freedom
for human cognition to focus upon its possibilities in the
world.

As more and more people shift into the second tier of memes,
the underpinnings of society become spiritual rather than
materialistic. The second tier is expansive rather than
self-serving or merely survival-oriented. Service to the
world community, to the planet as a whole, becomes the
inspiration as people activate these higher memes of

This meme brings a high sense of self-esteem based upon
information as much as emotion. It brings an enlightened
self-acceptance which acknowledges and accepts their own
shortcomings and faults as mere stages along the way to
acquiring more skills.

Remember what they say
There's no shortcut to a dream
It`s all blood and sweat
And life is what you manage in between

This is it.
It's over. I'm serious.
If you're going to give me up for sparkly balloons...

I'm no sparkly balloon.
I'm the glow in the dark balloon that doesn't doesn't seem 20 ft deep...
But I am.

And it takes time to know that.

I've rushed into it. Sprinted the whole way though.
And it's time to take a hike.

It's time to realize, after time and time again...after history has repeated itself indefinitely...

It's time to move on.
It's time to be someone else
Pick up, start again. No matter how hard it is.

I'm gone.
You're gone.
Don't count on me, because I'm nothing but a speck on the vast horizon.

I'd say i wish you'd regret this one day, but that's not even what I want.
I just want to get onto the next chapter, the next new novel.

My ego will have to be fed by myself, even if it's by fish food.
It will still have more nourishment than your dogfeed was able to give.

I'm gone. Don't look for me. Cause my new goal is to not look for you.
A life of celibacy is worth it to begone of you.
I mean it. Don't doubt me. You're on your own from now. I hope you find what you're looking for...

Cause even though I haven't...I'm willing to do it without you. I'm willing to photosynthesize and avoid gluttony.
I'm a higher being. You will succumb to flotation devices.
I will not. I will succumb to genuinity.

That's not even word. But whoever/whatever I find, will be so genuine...it will create it's own word.

I'm gone. Don't look for me.
I'm gone.

Trap Doors - Broken Bells (the Shins & Dangermouse)

Walk out before you make it worse on yourself
Now's not the time for that elegant laugh
Digress from the people
Once by your side, once by your side
But now that it's over
You have to pick up
And just start again, start again

You're falling to earth
And you're covered in ice
You're burning yourself, and your challenge to winter
Gotta clip the lines and move for yourself
Just move for yourself, love
Now that it's over
You have to pick up
And just watch your back,
watch your back

And close your eyes to us...
Fight Fire
Trap doors to endless wisdom
Young lad, have we grown too tired?
Longing...to find...

Learned that in time if you want it to end...
Your life at this temperature, life under water
You gotta let these fools all trample themselves
They trample themselves
Just dying to enter
You're preaching to the choir
So turn around, turn around

And close your eyes to us
Fight fire
Trap doors to endless wisdom
Young lad..
Have we grown too tired?
Longing...to find...

Photos from Asia

The heartbreak is the same.
It's always the same with you.

Why did I think I'd come back and it would be the same? Nothing's the same except the loneliness.

I miss you.
Is it just falling back into old habits?
I remember feeling like this before...before the onion rotted and had that god awful stench.
I remember this feeling...
The constant loneliness, the yearning, the dreadful hopelessness.

Is this what I want? Can I bear it, or am I just wasting my time wading my feet in an infested pool...

It's the same,
It's different.
Your aloofness is a constant. x = constancy
But I still can't solve the equation...and maybe that's why I still want you.
The unsolvable math puzzle
The one lost piece of the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle

You're at the back of my spongey brain all the time now.
I thought I had forgotten you, had really gotten rid of that brain tumor.
It seems the build up of cells was just hiding inside convoluted tissue.
My emotions and thoughts hide in these canals...I hide from myself.

I miss my favourite toy. My favourite toy broke.

Ghandi said that a nation's greatness could be judged by the way they treat their animals.
Sai Kung, I say, kung pow you're so mean.
I couldn't enjoy my meal. They treated the creatures so poorly, they were all deep fried.